Perspectives on Humility

A life-changing realization can happen out of nowhere, at any time, at any place.

One summer when I was teenager, I was kayaking on Lake Minaki at my late grandma’s cabin in Ontario when a thought engulfed me: I am a tiny speck in the universe.

I remember the moment when I stopped paddling, dipped my fingertips in the water creating lines that would fade and ripples that would grow, and I felt so tiny and small, yet deeply connected to everything and everyone on the planet – and perhaps beyond. I remember zooming out from that very moment, the small kayak and my body that occupied it, the lake, the fish, the water, the creatures, the trees and rocks surrounding. I kept going – zooming out, upwards like a bird – and then I was imagining the province, the country, the continent, the world, the sun, the moon, the planet, the cosmos and beyond. In relation to everything and everyone around me, I was a tiny little speck in the Universe – and I mattered, just as much as the minnows, just as much as the moon.

The practice of humility is not meant to shrink us — it’s to remind us that we are all part of something so much larger than ourselves.

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Recently, I travelled to New York (for the first time!), and I felt like one single molecule amongst the dense population, the number of tall buildings, and the busy subway system. When I was standing near the top of tall buildings, I would zoom out, imagining myself flying like a bird and seeing the city from that perspective. I imagined the subway systems running deep beneath the surface of the earth, the tens of thousands of buildings and the weight that must be sitting on top of said subway systems, and the million-plus people walking along the streets. In relation to everything and everyone around me, I was a tiny little speck in the Universe – and I mattered, just as much as the rat running along the subway tracks, just as much as the sun shining down on the Manhattan skyline.

The practice of humility isn’t meant to diminish us – it’s to remind us that together we are expansive beyond measure.

I didn’t always have these beliefs about humility. I used to think that practising humility meant not shining too brightly. As a young girl, I grew up with messages telling me to shrink myself and silence myself in order to be perceived as “good.” I also grew up with some unhealthy friendships that involved minimizing my successes rather than celebrating them – this impacted me in ways I wasn’t even aware of until I was in my 20s. I associated any success with shame – something that shouldn’t be shared or talked about, let alone celebrated. I equated being small and silent to safety – there’s far less risk when you’re not in the spotlight. I consciously tried to be good, but not too good; smart, but not too smart; pretty, but not too pretty – it was exhausting. Somewhere along the way, I also received a message that to not celebrate my wins and accomplishments was “humble”…. And it was “good” to be “humble.” I have explored and rewritten my beliefs about humility, and it is a quality that I am learning to embody. But why did I develop those negative beliefs about humility in the first place?

As I was writing this article, I was thinking of all the ways in which I might’ve developed these disempowering beliefs about humility, and at first I thought it was due to our colonized, capitalist society that promotes individualism and thrives on our lack of believing in ourselves. I thought society framed humility in a way to keep us in an unhelpful state of smallness and constantly striving for more. In my opinion, humility is the remembering of how much each and every one of us matters, but for some reason, it’s like we’ve come to believe that we have to be the only one that matters at all. It’s as if society has made us believe that if we aren’t the only one who matters, then we don’t matter at all. Eventually, I looked up the definition of humility in the dictionary and thought, “No wonder many of us believe that in order to be humble we must not shine so brightly!” 

According to Oxford’s dictionary: 

hu·mil·i·ty

noun

a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.

hum·ble

adjective

having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.

According to Webster’s dictionary: 

hu·mil·i·ty

noun

freedom from pride or arrogance

hum·ble

adjective

not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive

To be honest, I don’t love these definitions and the messages they convey. I feel a little ridiculous arguing with the dictionary, but here’s what I believe to be true: 

I don’t think the way to become more humble is to be less proud of ourselves. 

I don’t think the way to practise humility is to eliminate feelings of pride. 

I believe we can be both proud and humble at the same time. 

I believe we can feel both worthy and humble at the same time. 

Practising humility doesn’t need to cost us our pride. 

Practising humility doesn’t need to cost us our self-worth. 

The late Richard Wagamese says the Earth is the epitome of a humble being. If I were to imagine the Earth writing a definition on humility, I can’t imagine she would doubt her importance. Would she feel pride? I can only imagine that at her core, she would – but that’s the part that’s not visible to us, so I guess we can’t know for sure. But just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel that way. I believe the same can be true for us too. I believe at our core we can know our importance, be proud of ourselves, and simultaneously remain humble. 

I feel like in our individualistic, ego-driven society, we associate humility with smallness, and we make smallness mean things like “bad” or “unimportant.” I believe there is so much good and importance in smallness – it helps us see from another perspective and reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves. It’s our beliefs around smallness and what we’ve made it mean that take away from how powerful it can be. Humility is the remembering that we are all needed, we all matter, we are all important. I believe sitting with that and remembering that is essential for our care and connection with one another. Humility is the practice of feeling small and expansive all at the same time, because it’s about wholeness. 

Sometimes I think we’re afraid to explore smallness because of what we make it mean. So, what if we make it mean something else? 

Invitation – Mini meditative exercise: 

Step one: Close your eyes and imagine yourself feeling large and expansive. Imagine yourself outside in nature. Imagine you’re so large you’re taking up nearly the entire landscape.

Step two: Ask yourself, what would you see? 

Step there: Now take the same setting and imagine that you are small, very small. 

Step four: What would you see? 

Journal prompts: 

• What does smallness mean to you? What narrative do you currently have about it?

• What do you want to make smallness mean? How can you rewrite the narrative you hold about smallness to serve you better?

Three thoughts on humility: 

One: Humility is not a lack of importance – it’s remembering our importance in relation to something larger than ourselves. 

I believe engaging in sustainable living practices is one way we can embody the practice of humility every single day. Walking or taking the bus instead of driving, buying less single-use plastic, bringing our own to-go coffee cup, and so on are humble practices that also help take care of the most humble being of all, Mother Earth. 

Two: Humility and pride can co-exist. 

I believe that we can feel both humble and proud at the same time. If we can feel both grief and joy at the same time, then why can’t we feel other opposing emotions at the same time? All opposite emotions can co-exist. Opposites create wholeness. Richard Wagamese says when it comes to humility “there is only whole,” so perhaps to feel proud and humble doesn’t take away from our sense of humility but adds to our sense of wholeness. 

Three: Humility creates harmony.

I believe that when we embody humbleness, we are more open to learning, to feedback, to listening, to remaining tender and soft, and I believe walking through life in that way creates harmony within us and our relationships. I believe that living humbly is to live more minimally, and to live more minimally means less overconsumption, which contributes to more harmony for the planet. A harmonious world is in balance with its relations.  

To close, I like to offer journal prompts. As I was writing some about humility below, one of them prompted a new thought for me, so I thought I would include my final thought to close instead (the journal prompts are powerful, I tell ya!). The journal prompt I share below is: Who are some people in your life who embody humility? When I reflected on this question myself, my dog came to mind (yes, I know he’s not technically a person). He’s a certified service dog (and he has no idea) – I mean, it’s not like he brags to his friends at the dog park that he gets to fly on airplanes. He has a job, and he visits a care home every Tuesday, again something he doesn’t brag about to his dog friends (and now I sound like that pet parent who is not so humble about their fur baby, whoops! Haha!). Sometimes when I look into his eyes, I wonder if he has any idea how brilliant, special, and amazing he is. I wonder if he knows how much he’s changed and impacted my life and others. I don’t know if he knows — he’s too humble for me to tell. I think it’s his innocence that makes him such a humble being, which makes me think of the innocence of a child. Perhaps we are born radiating with the essence of humility. Isn’t it interesting how when we are physically the smallest we will ever be in this lifetime, that's when we might be the most humble? This led me to wondering if we can “be humble” if we don’t even know what that means? I think we can – I think we can hold the essence and radiate all kinds of qualities before our ego kicks in and applies judgment and context to every aspect of our lives. Maybe this is why dogs exist, to remind us of these beautiful lessons. 

Your turn! :) 

Journal prompts: 

• What is your definition of humility? What does humility mean to you? 

• Who are some people in your life who embody humility? 

• How can we practise seeing ourselves as an essential part of something larger without shrinking ourselves? 

• How does it feel to think of yourself as a speck in the universe?

• Do you shrink yourself in certain areas of life or in certain relationships? Which ones? How so? 

• What are regular, consistent actions that you take (or can take) that could be practices of humility? Examples: voting, sustainable living practices. 

Here is a passage written by the late Richard Wagamese that inspired this post: 

“The old ones say that humility is the foundation of everything. Nothing can exist without it. Humility is the ability to see yourself as an essential part of something larger. It is the act of living without grandiosity. Humility, in the Ojibway world, means “like the earth.” The planet is the epitome of a humble being, with everything allowed the same opportunity to grow, to become. Without the spirit of humility, there can be no unity, only discord. Humility lets us work together to achieve equality. Humility teaches that there are no greater or lesser beings or things. There is only the whole. There is only the great, grand clamour of our voices, our spirits, raised together in song.” 

With love and gratitude, 

Sam